Hiya Lovelies,

As a young kid, I remember being dragged to church every Easter and Christmas; always singing the same monotonous hymn from the same hymn sheet. Occasionally I would end up playing Mary in a school production of the Nativity in which i sat in a dutty costume with a blue towel over my head with a fake doll (they couldn’t even get the gender right so I assumed Baby Jesus was trans from birth, easy mistake right)?No?Ok then..

I had always thought that God was boring, dull and uninteresting, that The Bible was all a load of Codswallop that could never be applied to my life; after all who could apply the words of a book dating back 2700 years old at age 9?If you could get through those passages at a young age unlike me, I applaud you. I really, Really do.

At age 10, I remember stepping back into a church. I felt like I was treading on Eggshells, that it was all conditional and bounded by rules. I felt as though I had no freedom of speech, that every question was burning my insides; waiting to be asked but never feeling free enough to even open my mouth. By the end of the year, I had fully given up my idea of ever finding a faith. Having a hope for my future, Just as the scriptures said. I believed it Wasn’t true. Like everything was forced. Faith for me at this time was unimaginable.

After stewing these ideas for just under a year, At the end of Primary School, I distinctly remember my mum telling me about this church, which happens to be my current second home, New Life. After mum expressing a wish to go and her pestering me for weeks, I reluctantly got in the car on Rainy Sunday Morning and went. As I stepped inside, Everyone was praying and singing praise and I immediately felt as though a hole inside  me had been filled, all my previous feelings dissolved in love. After only a few weeks, New Life felt like my second home and I knew I had to Pursue a faith yet again.

A few fleeting months later, At only 12 years old, I began Struggling with an undiagnosed eating disorder, Body Dismorphia, Anxiety and depression. I felt ashamed. So, so ashamed. As though God hated me and everyone else did to. After all was it so ungodly I would be kicked out of the church I called mine? Things got so bad I ended up in Hospital after being diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa, just 2 weeks before. I distanced myself from God. I believed he wanted nothing to do with me. That I could never come back to him.

After a near death experience at age 13, I began to slowly wrap my head around the Bible again, believing that it was my only hope. As I read, God started speaking to me, telling me that by faith he could heal and how precious I was. More precious than Rubies. At this realisation, I began to put everything I had into recovery in the hope I would make it back to God and Church, to put all this behind me.

When I was discharged from hospital, God had made it clear to me that I needed to get Baptised. Still unsure, I began to reach out to my amazing youth team and we prayed. At a youth service that night, I knew what I had to do. At this realisation I began to cry and thought “Yes God, I will do it!I will do it”

I was baptised by my Amazing Babe of a Youth Pastor Rae Hicks in front of the church on the 28/10/2018 and since then I have never looked back. Through the trials and the change, relapses and tribulations and doubts, I am becoming stronger in who God believes I am and I want to inspire people in both recovery and faith, from here onwards.My Journey is continuous and although it’s a struggle, I have God on my side now. Hope, faith and Most of all, Life!

Yet what we suffer now, is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us Later

Romans 8;8

Big Love,

Char x