Hey beautiful people! Its Lotts,
Eating Disorders are hard. But you know that. Recovery is hard. But you know that. whether you’re new to recovery or have been in recovery for 20 years, we all struggle and it’s OK. However, I’ve had an influx of questions relating to what I wish I had known when starting recovery. So ya gal came through and today I’m spilling the tea. So grab a snack if you feel comfortable or just grab something that makes you feel calm and I’ll take you through some of my most valuable points in Eating Disorder recovery.
Your eating Disorder is not you- I don’t know about you, but I definitely believed this thought to be true. However, I hate to break it to you, but you can never truly delve into recovery if you keep believing that your eating disorder= you/your identity. Your identity is not only shown by your Eating Disorder. Why would you want to let go of something you’ve been defined by? But baby girl, cut the ties. Find your identity beyond your disorder. Are you a dancer, a child of God, a good person, a sister? I urge you to find out. You’re worth it darling.
Anorexia/bulimia ect is not your friend- Imma be real with y’all. I know it seems at times like Anorexia is your only friend. After all, she/it they (Insert what you prefer your Ed to be known as) has made you push everyone else away right? So it is natural to believe that the voice in your head is the only one who cares about you. Spoiler Alert; your disorder is not your friend. The manipulation, the lies, It’s not a friendly gesture, Your eating Disorder doesn’t want the best for you. The people you’ve been pushing away do. I know it may seem scary to push your Ed away and bring your friends closer. But I implore you to do this. It makes you feel so liberated. It’s worth the battle of “Friends” babe. It’ll be OK, I promise.
Recovery is not a linear process; OK, this may seem very obvious. I know you’re probably thinking, yeah, yeah, we know. However, in the beginning of recovery, we often want it to be an absolute fairy tale, everything to go all perfect and dandy. The reality of it is; Relapse may happen. In fact, it might be inevitable. Whilst relapse is not something to strive for, they do not mean you have failed, it just means that you are struggling. And that’s OK. It is so OK to struggle so please don’t for a second think that this isnt OK or normal. It’s OK not to be OK.
It might feel as though you’re getting worse before you get better- Ok, so here’s the tea. No one is ever fully “excited” about starting recovery. You may have been forced into so called Quasi Recovery, or maybe you have decided to do this for yourself. At first it’s gonna feel like It’s all gonna be over soon and you’re not going to have to fight. However, this could not be further from the truth. Although you ARE STRONG ENOUGH, we all have had to go through raised urges, more fear, more distress than we ever did due to our Eating Disorder. This is to be expected and is completely normal. HOWEVER, you are strong enough to fight these urges. You can do this lovely one. I believe in you.
Your own, individual struggle is valid- I know you guys are probably all comparing your recovery to either a recovery account on instagram, Tumblr or IRL. How many times has everyone else been tubed?What was their lowest weight? How many days can they go without food? I know it’s hard to accept. But those people are not you. You have your own struggles, they have theirs. The only person that truly knows your struggles is YOU!! no ones recovery is the same so please try not to compare your journey to others, however, I understand that this may be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. If you take one thing from this blog; YOUR STRUGGLE IS VALID BABE.
You will be Ok-Yes, It’s cliche I know but, this time in your life will end, it will pass. You are going to be ok. And I am sending my love to you in recovery precious one.
Hope this blog helped you sweet one,